10. Buying Stock in Schlotzsky's
"stupid company. serious sandwhich." Bought it at $12...is now $3. Of course, we have a history of putting companies out of business simply by buying their stock. That's why I haven't bought Apple stock yet. Really.

9. Well, my hair smelled nice.
This was in tenth grade or so, so don't judge me...I needed a little hairspray on a band trip, so I asked this guy if I could borrow some of his. Turns out, it was a jumbo-ass can of Right Guard spray, but I never even looked before spraying. The two guys in the room just stared at me. I actually convinced them that it works, and I bet one of them even tried it down the road.

8. [ Item Removed by CIA ]
Some things just shouldn't be common knowledge. We'll just leave it at that. Something about being chased through the woods by a german man yelling, "Polizei!!" I could be wrong.

7. "This is a long-running chain email hoax."
You know, if I'd just kept my mouth closed, people would remain happy and ignorant. Instead, I started World War III over email.

6. "This pepper looks tasty."
You know those cute little dark red/black peppers they put in some stir fry to add flavor? Don't eat 'em. (My mom just laughed and laughed. And laughed.)

5. The Great Putt-Putt Fiasco
Ok, I worked at Putt-Putt and I hated working the counter. Renting golf balls just seems like a silly concept. Basically, if you didn't sell people the three game ticket, you got yelled at by the owner for "underperforming." Truth is, most people were smart enough to know they don't need to stupid three game tickets, because you had to buy two of them since two people couldn't share one. Sure it was a better deal if you were a regular, but not if you only go to Putt-Putt once a year or so. So, people always wanted to buy the single tickets. One day, a guy I worked with pointed out that two singles were the same price as a three gamer, so when people bought two singles, you'd just ring up a three-game ticket, and put it in your pocket, take it home and throw it away (I never used any of these three game tickets...seriously). Anyway, this lady who wanted to be the Putt-Putt queen/assistant manager saw me do that (I wasn't really hiding the fact) and all hell broke loose. They weren't going to fire me, for some reason, but I just chose to never return. Best decision I ever made. Started working at the comic store right after that.

4. "Why would you use 8-tracks if you had cassettes?"
I worked for a guy that was ten years older than me, and we clicked on most things...but every now and then I said something that showed my age, and he lost it.

3. [ Item Removed by Department of Homeland Security ]
A federal court has issued an injunction that prevents me from sharing this item with you. Bastards.

2. "You guys just hang out...I'll go get the boat myself."
That one sent me to the emergency room.

1. "I'll just mix in some of this hot sauce."
Now, there was nothing wrong with the hot sauce itself, but this incident was my first discovery of the evils of cilantro. Bad, bad cilantro.