10. n/a
[ According to government regulations, lists may not exceed nine items for any reason. If you have more than nine thoughts to put down at one time, you are thinking too much and are a danger to yourself and others. Therefore, the space provided here for number 10 is no longer a valid option. Please continue to the next item. ]

9. Telecommunications Team Member
Do people tell you that you're a good listener? Well, then put that skill to use as a member of the telecommunications team, where you will be responsible for monitoring various communications, and alerting us when something strikes you as "out of the ordinary." Is someone telling an off color joke about the President? Is someone calling in to their local radio station to request a Dixie Chicks song? These are the kinds of things that raise red flags, and you will be trained to recognize them all.

8. Book Critic
As you know, critiquing books isn't the job it once was. No longer is it simply a matter of judging form, content and the ability to tell a great story. Today's critic must be able to extract the idea behind the story and determine whether or not the author is spreading any harmful concepts, such as any view that deviates from that of the government.

7. Fast Food Manager
It's a brand new McWorld! As our western culture steamrolls previously backwards societies, the need for people who know the difference between a Quarter Pounder and a Big Mac has become more important than ever. Travel to exciting places, where you'll train the native staff how to say, "would you like fries with that?"

6. Interim Goverment Official
It seems like every time you turn around, this great nation has added a new country to the list of democratic, liberated peoples in its New World Order. However, we can't truly entrust freed people with actual freedom, which is why we need qualified individuals that are prepared to serve as leaders in our tightly controlled interim goverments. (For our purposes, "interim" is defined as any period between now and the end of time.)

5. Media Censor
If you were drawn to the appeal of #8, but are looking for more excitement in your day, you may want to consider a position in the Department of Homeland Security's censorship office. The media can be a dangerous tool of terrorists and other evil-doers if left unchecked. As a certified censor, you will determine, per our guidelines, what information can be approved for public dissemination.

4. Intra-Neighborhood Watch Officer
Forget about keeping an eye on strangers coming through your neighborhood...it's now more important than ever before to keep watch on your neighbors themselves! With you Department of Homeland Security-issued Intra-Neighborhood Watch kit, you can tap phone lines, take infra-red surveillance photos and much more!

3. ####### ## #######
[ This item has recently been reclassified as secret, and is no longer available for public viewing. For more information, contact the Department of Homeland Security's censorship office. ]

2. "Cleaner"
Sometimes, keeping the new empire in order means making a few messes. That's why we're looking for a few good people that can pick up after us. Members of our staff simply need a love of this great country and a good imagination, whether it's for something as basic as hiding a body or something much more complex, such as manufacturing evidence of a weapons program.

1. POTUS

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